Not long ago, during a discussion about Satanists putting up a monument next to the Ten Commandments on some Oklahoma Courthouse lawn (these may not be the exact details, but I honestly don't much care to go look them up) and this guy tried to say that is there really anything wrong with the Ten Commandments, you know, those are pretty good rules to live by, right? Even if you aren't a "Christian"?
Hmmmmm.... have you ever really looked at those things? I mean, really read those things and thought about them? Hey, I know! Let's do that now!
The Ten Commandments*! (with commentary by Rob!)
*This is a general list. The fools that love this nonsense can't completely agree on the translations and numbering and between the two versions (Exodus & Deuteronomy) and hell, it isn't even clear that there are only 10 that make up this list. Basically, this list of "Ten Commandments" is about as confusing and stupid as most of the rest of the Bible. Also, I took the individual commandments as they are listed on Wikipedia, because in this case, Wikipedia does a damn fine job of summarizing these stupid things.
1. Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me
Means: All those other gods, you can't think they are cooler than the one that wrote this thing
Relevance to modern day America: Almost zero. Polytheism doesn't have much pull in the US and most of the Christians I know can't fathom that any other gods even exist. Sure, there are the Native Americans, but those guys... they don't know what they are talking about with their wigwams and peace pipes.
But seriously, this one has zero weight for anybody who isn't already a follower of Mosaic Law and has absolutely no application in secular society. Maybe if it was "no other Presidents before me," it might make some sense, but this is meaningless to day-to-day American government and society.
2. Thou Shalt Not Make Unto Thee Any Graven Image
Means: Depends on who you talk to. Apparently it's what you can and can't do in regards to "art." Could be a ban on anything that looks like a living thing. Might just be images of God. Or things that God "made" and thus people trying to recreate them is an affront to the limited self-esteem of the jealous Almighty.
Relevance
to modern day America: None. Absolutely fuck all. Christians completely ignore this one. Try and find a church in this country without pictures of Jesus or a "Hangin' Around Jesus" wall statue. Ironically, these fights over putting up Christian statues on public land are a direct violation of this commandment that the Christians so desperately want to post in every courtroom in the country. Yeah, basically "These laws are so important that we are going to break one of them just to make sure you know about how important they are!"
I always find it really weird when Christians mock the Muslims and that whole "No images of The Prophet" thing.
There really is no way to spin this one.
3. Thou Shalt Not Take The Name Of The Lord Thy God In Vain
Means: Don't call out to GodJesus for silly reasons and don't throw his name around like it's a fucking #YOLO
Relevance
to modern day America: None. It's fine if you want to show some respect to your deity by not using his name like an angry sitcom catchphrase, but in respect to how to maintain society and behave towards your neighbors, this is goddamn pointless.
4. Remember The Sabbath Day, To Keep It Holy
Means:
God, despite being all-powerful and can create universes just by saying "Boo-yah", needed an entire day of rest and as such, you have to take a day off too.
Relevance
to modern day America: It's a nice gesture. I mean, nobody should be forced to work 7 days a week. Everybody needs some time to kick back and watch TV. But that's because people just need a fucking break from time to time, not because some lazy ass creator insists on it. Of course, some people might actually LIKE not having a day of rest, so maybe Yahweh needs to just suck it up and not worry about what his creations are doing all the time.
Besides, the Sabbath that is referenced here? It's from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. That's not the Sabbath the Christians want to keep holy. Bastards just up and changed the rules, yo! Christians be like, "Naw man! Sunday is the Sabbath now! You weirdo messiah killing Jews need to get with the program. Pretty sure God sent down a memo. Maybe he only sent it to us since he hates you for killing him."
5. Honor Thy Father And Thy Mother
Means: Don't be a shit to your parents and do whatever they tell you.
Relevance
to modern day America: Weaksauce. Now obviously, showing some respect to your parents SHOULD be a pretty simple concept. But like all people, sometimes they aren't deserving of respect. Like when they withhold medication from you because they are convinced that Jesus will save you from SARS if you pray hard enough.
But more importantly, it's not a foundation for the success of society. While it is very helpful to not have a country full of disrespectful children, it's not the end of the world if parents can't make their kids obey 100% of the time.
6. Thou Shalt Not Kill
Means:
Do you really need this explained? I will, however, throw in that interpretation on translations can have a significant effect on the nuanced understanding of this one. "Thou Shalt Not Kill" vs "Thou Shalt Not Commit Murder" have a similar fundamental meaning regarding the taking of life, but "murder" has a far more explicit meaning than just simply "kill." If the talk is just of killing, then there is some serious hypocrisy in the way God just leads the Israelites around and has them slaughter thousands of people. Murder implies a more intimate and evil purpose than the more all-encompassing warlike act of killing.
I believe most translations come out as "murder", but arguments can and have been made and in fact, the Oklahoma statue uses "kill"
Relevance
to modern day America: High. It took six swings, but there is finally a commandment worth paying attention to. Taking another person's life is, in any circumstance, a big deal. Now, depending upon those same circumstances, the death may or may not be justified and/or forgivable. Self-defense should obviously be considered an "acceptable" circumstance. An accidental death at the hands of another has a good chance of being forgivable. (See where "kill" vs "murder" becomes important?). And then there is the gray area of war. And capital punishment. And this is where the fucktards that are so adamant that the Ten Commandments are in fact an important cornerstone of United States law need to be really careful. Oklahoma's 10 says "kill." That doesn't really distinguish or allow for mitigating circumstances. If that's how they really want to play it, Oklahoma had better shut down the death chambers and become the biggest pacifist state in the country.
But fundamentally, the basic idea of not killing people is pretty sound. You can't have a functioning society if everyone has to constantly fear a realistic and probable scenario involving their demise at the hands of another. Not that I can really see that as a reality. MOST people have a certain basic sense of morality that tells them killing is probably bad because I don't want it to happen to me.
7. Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery
Means:
Typically, don't have sex with someone you aren't married to. There are several different ways of defining the details, but it really boils down to "If that ain't yer spouse, no sexy times."
Relevance
to modern day America: Some. In the grand scheme of things, this is a commandment given from God to his people telling them to not do something that he essentially programmed them to do as a primary function of their existence. In retrospect, God is a dumbass.
Now, there ARE some damn fine reasons to try and limit sex to someone you want to be committed to because if a baby comes into the picture, that kid does have a better chance of not turning out to be a complete drain on society if the two idiots that made it get along with each other and can raise the child to feel like it has people that give a rat's ass about what happens to it.
That said, sex is generally pretty fun. I mean, ignoring all the awkwardness and weird sounds and sometimes gross smells and oozing things that leak out all over the place, sex is a damn fine way to pass the time. And, as I alluded to earlier, we (generally) have a pretty strong desire to have the sex because of that whole evolutionary biological DNA passing on procreation instinctual imperative. Yeah, we wants to do the dirty because our genes wanna make more shit. (This is a very unscientific version. Thou Shalt Not Quote This In A Term Paper).
Adultery, at a fundamental level, is absurd. Marriage is a man-made social contract while boinking is a biological imperative. There would be boinking without marriage, but there would be no marriage without boinking. And because marriage is a man-made concept, it has no real power if someone chooses to ignore it. If Dude meets Dudina and they want to make with the bouncy-bouncy and not get all formal about it, so the hell what? Who is that hurting?
Now if Dude meets Dudina but Dude is willingly married to Dudetta, there are likely some emotional implications for a Dude + Dudina tryst. But maybe not. Maybe Dudetta is only in it for the money. Maybe Dudetta wants to join in. Maybe Dudetta has some serious medical issues and while Dude is madly in love with her and would do anything for her, Dudetta knows that Dude needs to get his rocks off from time to time and told him to go ride Dudina for all she's worth. Are you confused yet? I am. Point is, we don't really need a rule about proper penis wielding etiquette being lofted high on our nation's "list of shit you really should do."
Now, that doesn't mean to say that we should encourage a widespread 1967 San Francisco. Ewwww.
We live in a day and age where we have the capability to have (mostly) safe sex. Disease and unwanted children are a drawback to sex and an argument for commandment 7. But, those arguments are made mostly by the people who want to prevent the use of the things we have invented to significantly aid in the decrease of those very same drawbacks. Basically, the Commandment supporters cling to archaic and absurd ideas about sex and how the human body functions and so #7, in their minds, is super important. To most people with a sex drive and a functioning brain, #7 is just puritanical tyranny.
Of course, adultery all to often leads to violating commandment #6, and for that reason, shouldn't be totally ignored.
8. Thou Shalt Not Steal
Means:
Doesn't belong to you? Leave it the fuck alone.
Relevance
to modern day America: High. This might be the simplest to understand and most straightforward of the ten. It, like #6, falls under the easy to comprehend morality of "I don't want it to happen to me, so..."
9. Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor
Means: Don't lie. More specifically, it's a court thing that means it is bad to accuse your neighbor of things they didn't do. Related to perjury.
Relevance
to modern day America: High. This one isn't quite as obvious as #s 6 & 8, but as a foundation for a working society, this one is up there. It should be pretty obvious why. It's a pretty shitty thing to do to walk in to court and say that Bob down the street stole your Duck Dynasty yard decorations and then shit on your porch when, in fact, Bob did none of those things (even if your other neighbors would regard Bob with great respect if he DID do those things because you sir, are a fucking asshole).
10. Thou Shalt Not Covet [Shit That Ain't Yours]
Means: Neighbor Bob down the road? Sweet house, hot wife, awesome... um... butler and housekeeper, and some high quality oxes and donkeys. Bob has awesome stuff. But YOU sure as shit better not even think about how great it would be if it was yours, comprende?
Relevance
to modern day America: A nice idea, but completely unrealistic. It sure would be nice if we could keep our thoughts pure and clean and basically just think about nothing but pleasuring God all the time. Wait, I think that came out wrong.
Anyway, That's not gonna happen. Partly because without an internal drive to achieve a better standing for ourselves, we'd pretty much all just be sitting complacently in our own filth. The "problem" is that some people lack imagination and self-worth so they can't envision their own perfect life, and instead, they have to use somebody else as a template.
This is the commandment that helped bring about the asinine "lust in your heart" bullshit which basically means that if you think about boning that chick, you've ACTUALLY violated commandment #7. So, what is really going on here is that God has just decided to go ahead and establish the Thought Police and cite you for things that only happen in your head.
It's easy to see where the Commandment Bunch loves the idea of laying the groundwork for telling people they are bad for just thinking about something, although I'm gonna come right out and say that this is probably the stupidest of the ten.
Okay, so, let's do a quick recap.
Of the Ten Commandments:
#s 1-4 are basically just God being an egotistical dick
#s 5 & 7 are good suggestions to live by, but are by no means substantive enough to be thought of as anything binding or morally absolute
#s 6, 8, & 9 are the only ones in the list that have any practical application to managing society
#10 is stupid and borderline fascist.
There ya go. The next time somebody wants to try and claim that the 10 Commandments are one of, if not THE most important creations of all time, break it down to them like this. You'll probably need to use smaller words though.
