"Nephew," returned the uncle sternly, "keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine."
"Keep it!" repeated Scrooge's nephew. "But you don't keep it."
"Keep it!" repeated Scrooge's nephew. "But you don't keep it."
"Let me leave it alone, then," said Scrooge.
-"A Christmas Carol", Charles Dickens
Mostly, I volunteered because I don't want to go to the fucking party.
I like most of my co-workers, I suppose, but that doesn't mean I want to necessarily "hang-out." For a variety of reasons, I have stopped making much of an effort to make friends with co-workers because I really don't need more relationships to try and cultivate, especially since I have enough trouble maintaining the long time relationships I already have and also because the odds are that we won't be co-workers for a long period of time.
So, I am choosing to not go mingle with people. There are plenty of reasons for that, too. Depending on what day it is, I might be fairly extroverted, although it's more likely it will be an introvert kind of day. Part of this stems from having a certain level of social anxiety stemming from depression that I'm much more comfortable in small groups of close friends if I can't be alone.
And, then there's the whole Christmas aspect. I don't enjoy Christmas, at least, not enough to make a big deal out of it. It is a whole bunch of added stress and expectations and work that people claim results in fun. Yeah, well, for me, it's a whole bunch of requests and demands from other people who apparently can't have a good time unless I'm doing things their way. Every year, I hope to be left alone so I can find fun and enjoyment in some way that actually enables me to have fun and enjoy whatever it is I want to enjoy, but inevitably, it is a whole bunch of decorating, socializing, and "getting ready for" that sucks all the enjoyment out of the thing.
And here's the best part: the people that try and make you feel bad (or worse, act like you are some sort of monster that wants to shit all over their fun). I tell my co-workers I don't really want to go to the party and I get these looks of utter confusion mixed with pity, sometimes tinged with disapproval. And the pleas of "It won't be the same without you!" Well, yeah, okay... it should, in reality, be better without me because I won't be there visibly not having a good time.
Meanwhile, apparently it's a departmental thing to exchange gifts or at least cards. Pretty much everybody has given me something, I didn't return the gesture for anyone. I really don't like receiving gifts. Why? Because 1) for some reason that I have never really determined, getting gifts makes me incredibly uncomfortable and 2) I generally like to pick out my own things as I have a long history of getting not what I really would have wanted.
I actually don't mind GIVING gifts, but the catch there is that I don't like giving gifts just to give gifts or worse, feeling obligated to give a gift. If I see something that I think somebody I like would really enjoy, I like to get it for them if I can. But I don't really want to be under some obligation to give it to them at a arbitrarily predetermined time.
Anyway, fuck off Christmas Nazis.
